Tuesday, 29 April 2014

1 month until the big day!

D-day is fast approaching! Today is officially 1 month until he is due to arrive and to be honest, I'm terrified.
I'm terrified of the pain, I'm terrified of not being able to cope and I'm terrified that I'm not going to be a good mum. 

I have had a lot of practice over the last 4 years, helping JS to raise Rdogg and all the challenges that comes with raising a child with "extra needs." However, I've never had to do this from the very beginning. I'm worried about how this is going to affect my relationship, I'm worried about becoming post-natal as depression is something that I've dealt with throughout my adult life and overall I'm feeling incredibly guilty for how this could affect Rdogg. He finds it increasingly difficult to cope with even the smallest changes to his routine and even tho we have a lot of strategies in place to help him, I worry about how well he will deal with not being the centre of our little world any more. 

As the day gets closer and closer, my worries are increasing as rapidly as my bump and that makes me feel even more guilty as I know that stressing isn't very good for the baby. Team that with the physical pains of sciatica, pelvic girdle (imagine having an iron rod metaphorically pushed through your hips) lace of sleep and braxton hicks contractions I'm surprised I'm not in tears 24/7. I know I should be floating around in a haze of pregnancy glow and don't get me wrong, I am incredibly excited and I can't wait to have that first cuddle with my little boy, but with every day that passes, I feel less and less prepared for the challenges I'm about to face.

That being said, I have been using my time off whilst on maternity leave to do as much research as possible, to do as much decorating as possible and to get on top of all the housework.I think if I sit and give myself time to actually think about everything, I may have a meltdown :)

Now onto today's outfit:

maxi dress - H&M
I love this dress so much, with the birth of the little man coming closer, I have to be aware of things that I buy to make sure they will be suitable for when my bump has gone. This dress is perfect as it is fitted on my top with more of an empire waistline. I love the side slits and the semi-sheer skirt.What was even better was that I got this for half price as there was a rip in one of the side slits which I have managed to sew up easily!
I also keep joking that JS needs to learn how to do my make up so that he can put my face on before any photos of me and baby are taken. Nice challenge for him there.

Peace and Love

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

I went up a mountain!-35 weeks

Landed back in the UK after a week in the French Alps with JS and Rdogg. The sun shone, the snow fell and we all generally had a good time. Rdogg has learnt how to ski for the first time and I finally got to see JS on a snowboard after years of hearing about his prowess but never having a chance to witness it with my own eyes.
When I spoke to people about flying at 33 weeks pregnant, a look of pure horror would spread across their faces
"but what if you go into labour on the plane??!?" they cried. The truth is, the flight was so short that I probably would have still been in labour when we landed so I would have had a Swiss baby (we flew to Geneva) instead of a baby born in Huddersfield. Plus, I had my amazing mother law/midwife with me so I knew she'd keep me safe :)
I wish I had paid more attention to the  weather forecast as I packed many layers and jumpers and tights thinking it was gonna be freezing, only to be overheating most days in 20 degree heat!
Here's a couple of my fave snapshots from the week:

Now I'm back on non snowy land and officially on maternity leave (hoooray) I'm concentrating on planning my birth and getting all the final bits together for arrival of baby RS. Leaving the house is getting more and more difficult as the list of clothes I own that I can actually fit into is drastically getting smaller and smaller with each passing day. To add to this, I have a wedding to attend on Saturday and it's my birthday on Friday. I think that will be spent making myself depressed, dragging my egg-like self around the shops to find something suitable.

Today's outfit is one of my only dresses that actually fits without me having to wear tights under it, which, now the sunshine has returned, is a good thing really.

This is the amazing velvet and lace dress I got in the Topshop sale and I have teamed it with my trusty leather jacket and SheInside sunglasses. (similar here)

Counting down until baby RS appears - 5 weeks left!
As always, peace and love

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

A good old honest pregnancy blog post

I am now 32 weeks pregnant. 32 weeks!!! Where has the time gone?

I'm going to be honest, as much as I have loved being pregnant, I can't wait for it to be over now. It's been physically one of the worst things to ever happen to my poor broken body.
I am now well and truly into my final trimester (or the third stage of pregnancy) and it's given me a chance to reflect on how everything has gone so far.

First trimester
This was undoubtedly the worst of the three. Apart from having to keep my mouth shut about the fact I was pregnant, which I was rubbish at because I can't keep good news to myself, I was incredibly ill. I had to be signed off work for like 4-6 weeks with what was basically intense morning sickness, exhaustion and dehydration. If I wasn't asleep, I was being sick. I couldn't keep anything down apart from tiny mouse sized gulps of water. I spent more time with my head inside the toilet than I did with JS or R-dogg and our relationships suffered as we didn't want to tell R-dogg too early in case something went wrong. To top this all off, I had a pretty intense kidney infection, which was loads of fun. Going back to work and trying to do normal shifts and work until 2/3am was almost impossible but somehow I dragged my sorry bum through it and finally reached the...

Second trimester
This one was loads of fun. I was actually looking pregnant, we got to find out who was in there, my morning sickness dissipated and I was gifted with a whole bunch of energy. Not to mention my skin cleared up, my hair got thicker and I started to feel those awesome first movements. I was in love with my new, rounder shape and we could actually celebrate the upcoming arrival with our friends and family. It wasn't without it's downsides. I developed sciatica and pelvic girdle, which has made standing for long periods of time, rolling over in the night and generally being putting any pressure on my lower back/hips so terribly painful. My appetite went into overdrive and the cravings for chocolate kicked in big style. I was sending JS out to the shops for emergency cream eggs every night.

Third trimester
Everything is going well so far. My energy is slowly disappearing, but I think that's more to do with how much effort it is to actually move my huge frame around now. I'm getting more and more panicky about the actual giving birth and I'm adamant I do not want to be in a hospital. All going well I should be able to pop him out either at home or in our local birth centre, which has water birth facilities and is more of a home away from home. Trying to not have a melt down about the fact that the baby doesn't have a decorated room yet and keep having dreams about my waters breaking in work. BUT MATERNITY LEAVE STARTS IN 8 DAYS!!!! So I'm super looking forward to being able to nap throughout the day. Hooray for time off!
I'm also finding it harder to find clothes which are actually comfortable in this trimester, my maternity jeans are getting a little too tight as they are "over the bump" ones and they squeeze me a little too much now, so stretchy pencil skirts have been the way forward.
Shout out to my amazing sister for "lending" me the one I currently have on today. You're the best Em <3